Uzun yollari,

hizli trenlerle asip, yemyesil tarlalarin arasindan, orta caga uzanan koylerden gecip buraya geldim, ustelik de Cumartesi iken. Cunku insanin yemek, icmek, gezmek, entellektuel aktivitede bulunarak zihnini tahmin etmek gibi bunlari yaparken vucutta ve zihinde meydana gelen toksik olusumlardan da yazarak kurtulma ihtiyaci var. Ben de yazmaya geldim, internetin basina. Internet bulmusken gecen haftaki cennet' i gidip gormeye tekabul eden gezimden fotograflarla facebook sayfami guncelledim. Amac da  ahaliye "Cennet dururken neden Hacca gidile ki!" mesajini iletebilmekti. Yine de cok fotograf paylasmadim: Turkiye' nin durumu belli, cennetligi orda kalsin, memlekette yasamda kalabilmek icin insanin kurtlasmasi, olan duzeni sindirebilmek icin ise surekli beynine telkinlerde bulunmasi: iyi ile kotu arasindaki farkin abartildigina inanmasi lazim. O yuzden ki (ya da yukaridakilerle ayni sebeplerden) ne zaman guzel bir yer gorsem derin dusuncelere daliyorum. Bir haftanin dusunceleri yazarak bitmez ama onlar indikleri yerden dengeleri sarsmaya baslarsa ilk sizin haberiniz olur zaten.

waking up weeping

because you can not to make someone listen to you or understand your point -which is right-, sincerely right according to your point of view and is being rejected despite your many attempts to make it clear. I have been in similar situations many times in dreams. Last night I woke up crying, due to the protests in Turkey. I was crying to the stubbornness and unfairness. I was crying for not being able to live happily in the land for which I hold a citizenship. I was crying for not having the opportunity to fix the place and live in it.  I felt so desperate and so unlucky for everyone who did stand against injustice, tears want to run on my  cheeks when I think about what we have and what we can not have yet.

Sky was vomitting

after two days of consecutive extreme heat. As the wind blew and the clouds emptied their chest; our bare feet, arms, face, neck, all got kissed with the freshest breeze. Our minds tired of seeing too much under very bright sun beams finally came back to peace...

Last days

have been flavored with hope and worries related to the life. Sometimes it(life)seems to be getting more transparent. Do not get me wrong, I am not for transparency: it is ideal if we can wrap things up with the layers we desire so that we see the colors we want and do not get hurt by the sharp edges of reality. Movements in Turkey have been a source of hope at the same time sadness: since all the pure-hearted people on the streets are treated violently by a stubborn dictator  who has nothing to stop him from acting non-sense, who lacks self-criticism who is just evil in nature and ways of masking it with some ideology. When the demon beats the beauty, tears want to run from eyes...
I have encountered my barriers to be productive and infeasibility of achieving happiness in a shared life. I have to be purely lonely maybe just distracted by friends and love of people but only from some distance. We should not let the moment to suppress the pleasant past: I was walking in the streets of old cities, fairy-lands that have survived to our time, just a few days ago...

First moments

In a new city, an old one but new to me. Lately this feeling of amusement have been my main drive
to travel. Now in Brussels, soon in Brugge and then Amsterdam.
After the exhaustion of travels to Turkey I am pleased to see that there is room to see more.
When one doubts that there is not much life can offer him/her things become intolerable and experience have confirmed several times that when we perceive  more pain than
Pleasures it means that the hormones released from the brain have lost the right balance, 
or  some naughty cells are wasting the dopamine for stupid reasons. 
Life should feel right, if not we should fix it by all means available. And lately I have been doing so.
Brussels June 9, 2013

Son 24

saat icinde cok az uyuyup cok bekleyerek ya da Eminonu-Karakoy arasinda yuruyerek, Ankara'dan Istanbul'a gitmeye cabalarken, aksam cokerken Bonn'dan Koln'e gidip ayni gece donmeye niyet etmisken, rotarli ucaklarin, yanlis binilen trenlerin, onumdeyken dalginliktan binmedigim dogru treni kacirmamin, bol depresif bir gunun ardindan yurdumdayim. Enstitude'yim, benim yurdum en cok burasiymis. Xia.'yi ile matematik dunyasinin tek kriterli basari olcusunu konusup, onun sabah depresifligini aldigini iddia ettigi  sekilde kahve icerken Munster Platz' a bakan balkonun esiginde vucudumuzun acikta kalan yerlerini gunslendirdik. Ardindan Ha. ile dondurma almak uzre caddeye cikp Turkiye'deki umutlu uyanisin yurtdisindaki etkileri uzerine heyecanli konustuk. Simdi hasret kaldigim matematigin, okumanin, ogrenmenin, renkli kitaplarla cevrili izole hayatim icin tekrar burdayim. Icimde buyuk bir istekle sari kapli matematik kitaplarina saldirmak, makalelere goz atmak beynime hasret kaldigi stimuli' i vermek icin can atiyorum.

Turkiye' ye dair ne umutlu

Bir ziyaretti bu, ulkem gözümde daha bir güzelleşti.
Peki nasıl olur da bu derece boyun eğer bu millet,
Farkındalık  hiçbir fark yaratmayacak kadar mı küçüktür,
Dunyanın başka yerinde akıl ve mantık özgürlüğe hizmet
ederken, biz nasıl uzerimizdeki tek tip baskıyla, tek insanin elestirilemeyen
duzenine gore yasarız derken, meger öyle değilmiş.
Gelecekten umutluyum, bu ülkenin cesur insanı onu değerli yapan.